Q:My daughter is "Skypeing" and spending hours online. She says it's safe, but I honestly don’t know what it is or how to use it. What should I do?
A: Because of your kids, last year you learned how to text message; this year you opened a Facebook account, and, now, Skype? Parenting in the Web 2.0 age just got more complicated—again!
For the technologically "un-cool," which means most of the adult population, Skype is a growing social network that can be downloaded for free to any wireless device including laptops, cell phones and the iPod Touch. Skype allows users to text, share files, talk on the phone and make video conference calls.
Interestingly, most Skype communications are unregulated, unmonitored and untraceable, and teens are talking through the technology in large numbers. There is no "official" data on how many young users are accessing this service, but Skype acknowledges that more than 370 million people have registered and up to 11 million people are using the network at any given time.
If your teenager has a computer with a camera, he has most likely participated in video chat. Skype is actually a refreshing alternative communication form that encourages face-to-face interaction as opposed to impersonal texting and instant messaging.
Kids can talk and see multiple friends at the same time. And for parents, video chat is a great way to stay connected with college-bound teens as well as see if your daughter is keeping her dorm room clean.
Ask your teen to show you Skype and have a conversation about online safety, emphasizing a few important concerns. Remind your teen to avoid posting personal information or discussing where she lives.
Strongly encourage your teen to speak only to known acquaintances and be very wary of new-found friends. Face-to-face interaction can provide a false sense of security as kids feel they know someone better than they do because they can see him. Lastly, station the computer in a high-traffic area of the house to allow for passive parental monitoring.
Internet safety is not about how one uses technology,; rather, it is about teaching kids to make wise decisions. Discussing concerns in advance and building a trusting relationship are the best ways to ensure your teen's safety.
Most tenacious teens can successfully find a work-around solution to access a parentally blocked site. I do strongly encourage parents to use safety software. teenagers, however, know far more about computers than any parent could ever hope to learn.
Today’s teens are multimedia multi-tasking experts, and in their world the lines between online and offline behaviors are blurry.
Kids don't go online; they ARE online 24/7 because technology is part of their everyday lives. Good parenting requires understanding how teenagers think and act, and modern parenting requires asking for technological guidance.
Q: My child turns 16 next month and will get his driver's license. Help! What can I do to ensure he's a safe driver?
A: For a teenager there may be no bigger rite of passage than getting a driver's license. For a parent, there may be no bigger anxiety-provoking event than the first time you hand the car keys to your anxious adolescent for his first solo driving adventure.
Most parents prepare for teen driving long before the day actually arrives. You enroll your son in driver's education, model good driving skills and have countless talks about automobile safety. In fact, most teens are actually very skillful drivers by the time they’ve earned this prized privilege.
Being a skilled driver, however, is much different than being a safe driver who has mastered the psychomotor skills needed to evaluate risk and developed the appropriate reaction actions needed to adapt to an ever-changing environment.
Now, your son will tell you that he will be cautious, concerned and conscientious, and his intentions are honorable. The facts, however, speak for themselves.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, motor vehicle crashes are the No. 1 cause of death for teenagers, and first-years driver are more likely to have a crash than any other group.
Before your teen officially hits the road, it is time to have a discussion about rules and expectations. The basics are simple and often easily agreed upon.
New drivers should never use drugs or alcohol, should never text or talk on the phone while driving, and should avoid any distractions such as eating or drinking. And kids should always agree to obey traffic laws as well as promise to call when plans change.
Some rules, however, will require more careful consideration. Consult with your teen on appropriate geographical boundaries before he gets behind the wheel.
New drivers should stay close to home in case something does happen, and driving in treacherous traffic areas should be avoided until both teen and parent are comfortable with road skills.
Parents should also consider a driver curfew, for at least a few months, that requires new drivers to be home before dark. More accidents occur between 9 p.m. and 2 a.m. than any other time. New drivers do not have the automatic reflexes and driving skills needed to cope with the extra variable of darkness.
Lastly, discuss the consequence of rule-breaking before an incident occurs. Post the rules and consequences for all to see.
If a teenager knows he will lose driving privileges for a week because he speeds, he will understand the importance of obeying the law. Predetermined punishments are a great way to reduce conflict because expectations have been stated in advance.
Obtaining a driver's license is a symbolic coming-of-age rite that all teens cherish but many parents find a mixed blessing. We are excited for our children and look forward to having assistance with household driving responsibilities, but we also worry about safety and the increased responsibility being given to our newly licensed motor vehicle operators.
Put on your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride. Soon your kids will be driving off to college and vehicular safety will be the least of your concerns.
Russell Hyken, Ed.S., MA, LPC, NCC, CEP, is a licensed professional
counselor, an educational diagnostician and a regular columnist for St. Louis Kids Magazine.
With more than 15 years of experience as a high school English teacher,
school counselor and school administrator, Hyken is now in private
practice. His practice, Educational and Psychotherapy Services,
specializes in educational/ADHD evaluations, individual and family
therapy, and local and national educational options for learning
disabled students and troubled teens. He can be reached at 314-691-7640
or through his web site
