When I was a kid, when you lost a game, you lost. We kept score and we tried our best and if we won we felt invincible and if we lost we felt defeated. It taught me to work as hard as I could and be proud of my effort, but it also taught me to deal with failure.

When I was a kid, adults were adults and we were kids. They could do things we couldn’t and go places we couldn’t and say things we couldn’t and that was the way it was. Sure it wasn’t fair. But I knew my pecking order and had a running catalog of things to look forward to. First on my list for many years was eating cereal for dinner, which I still do.

When I was a kid we played with other kids at social events. The parents got together and drank and smoked and talked in big words I couldn’t care less about. If we had issues with one another we didn’t run and tell our parents, we hashed it out on our own. We got our feelings hurt and we hurt others' feelings, but we figured out how to maneuver sticky situations with our peers.

I was told things weren’t my business, I was too young to do that, we couldn’t afford it or I didn’t earn it. I ate whatever my mom made for dinner and I went to bed at the same time every night. If I talked back to my parents I could expect a swift consequence and if I asked why more often than not the answer was ‘because I said so’.

If I cried too much I was told I was going to get something to cry about.

These days we don’t keep scores at little league games because we want them all to feel like winners. They all get trophies for trying. Have you seen a little league game? There isn’t a lot of trying going on. There’s a lot of noncommittal goofing off going on.

At parties kids sit with the adults and sip our (non alcoholic) drinks and join in the conversation. They run to us with petty issues and ask us to fix them. They whine to go home or whine to stay and parents give in. “Oh, I guess it’s time to go”.

Do you know how boring adult conversations are with no cuss words?

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think we’re tiptoeing around our kids too much. They have too much power and control for their little bodies and brains. We give them too much and they have little to look forward to. They sell bras for six year olds, for Pete's sake.

We can’t stand to watch them suffer, but suffering is a powerful teacher. What are we doing to this generation’s ability to self-govern and handle life’s road blocks if we follow them around with cushions? Overindulgence is the assassin of true confidence.

But hey, that’s just my opinion. You probably have your own. Lay it on me.

 

By Sharon Linde, Education Blogger for SmartParenting.