To Tattoo or Not to Tattoo, and Selecting the Right College
Russell Hyken, Ed.S., LPC
Q: My daughter will be 18 next month and has informed me she is getting a tattoo. I do not want this to happen. What should I do?
Tattoos are no longer acts of teenage angst, independence and rebellion. Tats, as they are often called, are mainstream. Rock stars, celebrities, athletes and even the parent next door are proudly displaying body art. In fact, more than one third of adults under the age of 35 and one quarter of adults under the age of 50 have been inked, according to Consumer Reports. Look around the PTA meeting, and chances are someone will have a permanent symbol etched on their body.
With tattoo images everywhere, how can a parent stop their emerging adult child from participating in this traditional act of teen rebellion, and, more importantly, should a parent stop a child from taking a trip to the tattoo parlor? No matter what you or your teenager decides, good parenting requires a discussion-not an argument. Your purpose, however, is not to convince your child to avoid these permanent marks; rather, your goal is to ensure that your teenager understands the decision, and, more importantly, a decade from now does not point a finger and ask, "Why did you let me do this?"
Set up a time to talk with your teen and make sure to give her advance notice so she may prepare for the discussion. Begin by addressing safety issues. Have your daughter promise to go to a licensed tattoo artist/parlor. While this does not guarantee against infection, bleeding, swelling, or pain it does minimize the chance of poorly drawn art and unsanitary conditions that can put your child at risk for diseases including HIV and Hepatitis C. Tattoos should never be inked by an amateur.
Next, discuss social implications and tattoo placement. While teenagers think tats are "cool," future employers may have a different opinion. Proudly displayed adolescent art may result in adult anxiety as it inappropriately sets one out from the crowd. A large yet tastefully designed butterfly on the shoulder may be difficult to conceal when wearing a dress, but a small symbol on the ankle or around the beltline is not likely to distract or offend.
Lastly, ask you teenager why they want a permanent mark on their body. This can provide important insight into your child's inner world. Some want tattoos to deepen bonds of friendship. Others may be experiencing an identity crisis and looking for some way to signify their independence. Convey that you understand before gently voicing your opinion.
When a child turns 18, she can get a tattoo without parental permission. Relish your daughter's willingness to talk with you about this as many teens would not consider connecting with their parent to discuss a personal topic. It is okay to express disappointment, but adamant arguing will only hurt future communications.
Q: My son is a junior and we are starting to think about college. What suggestions do you have that will assist us in the search process?
When beginning the search process, many students often have a specific college in mind, and that can limit their choices. This is a mistake! Consider that college is, at a minimum, a four-year relationship. While some transfer with seamless ease, others experience emotional stress and academic disruption.
The best way to ensure stability and success is to carefully engage in the college selection process with an open mind. All students should participate in diligent, detailed research and generate a list of many potential placements.
Location, location, location. Some students want to stay close to home, some prefer a bit more distance, and some want to leap to an entirely different part of the country. If your teen dreams of living in the mountains or by the ocean, encourage him to research his desired destination. Big cities offer amazing cultural opportunities and more remote locations encourage active outdoor lifestyles. College is a great time to experiment with enrichment experiences.
Size does matter. Think in terms of not only the student population but also in regards to campus and classes. A university with 10,000 students will be more diverse than college with a 1,000 students. A big school will have more majors, a larger selection of course offerings and unusual educational opportunities, but it will also have large, lecture-style classes and significant distances between school buildings.
A small school provides more opportunities to interact with professors and participate in campus activities. Where will your child thrive and be the happiest? Ask him!
Harder does not mean better. Academic rigor impacts campus atmosphere and student lifestyle. Some students thrive in an educationally challenging environment and will forgo outside activities in favor of studious pursuits. You need to determine how much studying is required for a particular school and what your teen is capable of accomplishing. Degrees from prestigious universities can open doors, but a student should not be miserable to obtain an impressive piece of paper. Just going to college will provide a solid foundation for life success.
Choosing a university is one of the biggest decisions a young person must make. Parents need to be supportive, provide guidance and avoid exerting undue influence on their teen's decision. Teens need to think about what they want, research various options, and apply early to avoid last-minute stress.
Discuss options with your teen and encourage him to reach for his dreams.
Send questions for this column regarding teen issues to Hyken at teens@stlouiskidsmagazine.com. Anonymity will be granted once identity is verified.
Russell Hyken, Ed.S., MA, LPC, NCC, CEP, is a licensed professional
counselor, an educational diagnostician and a regular columnist for St. Louis Kids Magazine.
With more than 15 years of experience as a high school English teacher,
school counselor and school administrator, Hyken is now in private
practice. His practice, Educational and Psychotherapy Services,
specializes in educational/ADHD evaluations, individual and family
therapy, and local and national educational options for learning
disabled students and troubled teens. He can be reached at 314-691-7640
or through his web site
